


once you were a hero (you might be the villain now)

by ThePackWantstheD



Series: Rambling Headcanon Fics [5]
Category: Power Rangers (2017), Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Billy is Jason Scott, Canon Related, Child Abuse, Fighting, Gen, Internal Conflict, M/M, Minor Character Death, Platonic Relationships, You probably don't need to have seen Power Rangers to understand this, or was i guess, we stan a Jason&Kim brotp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-06-29 02:50:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19821004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePackWantstheD/pseuds/ThePackWantstheD
Summary: Billy Hargrove was five when his mother packed all of their things and moved the two of them to Angel's Grove to get away from an abusive husband.Jason Scott is a few months shy of sixteen when an attack against the Power Rangers kills his mom, dad, and little sister.He is a few months shy of sixteen when he becomes Billy Hargrove again.





	1. the hero you were (the boy you were)

So when Billy is five or six, Beverly Hargrove gets the money together to leave Neil Hargrove and she takes Billy with her because she loves her son and leaving her son in that abusive asshole’s hands was never an option. 

She settles them in the small town of Angel Grove because she knows that Neil will never look for them there. 

The months in Angel Grove are good for them.

Beverly learns not to flinch at every man that walks past her in a supermarket, begins wearing flowy dresses on windy days because she doesn't need to hide bruises on her legs or collar, remembers how to smile so wide her cheeks hurt and laugh when her son gets her wet while shaking his hair out like a dog.

Billy learns how to play instead of doing chores and approaches boys at the park to play football with them for the first time since he doesn't have to worry about bruises being deepened, holds his mom's hand when crossing the street and curls up in her arms at night while they watch movies because there is no Neil here to talk about how he needs to toughen up like a man, eats ice cream on Saturday nights and Bagel Bites with his babysitter after school and all the other things they'd never had money for because Neil preferred to spend it on alcohol. 

Soon enough - Beverly meets Sam Scott.

She's weary at first, freshly unbruised and with a son who smiles every day for the first time in his life, but Sam Scott is understanding. He doesn't do any of the things that she had found so endearing in Neil when she was stupid and seventeen. He doesn't ask her out every day until she gives in. Instead Sam asks once and when she tells him he's unsure he backs off with a gentle question about whether or not they could be friends. He doesn't let her hair slip through his fingers as he whispers about how nice she would look if it was just a little bit longer but looks at her with soft eyes and blushing cheeks as he tells her how nice the dress she's wearing looks on her.

Gradually, ever so slowly, Beverly lets her guard down with him, lets herself stop being afraid of Neil Hargrove and fall in love with the man in front of her. 

When she finally lets him meet her son, Sam is lovely with Billy, never pushes him into speaking to him or accepting hugs, never raises his voice at Billy for not listening when he tells him it's time to come inside, never tells him that something he's doing is unmanly.

Beverly watches as Sam falls in love with Billy.

She watches as he takes to sitting on the couch with Billy and watching cartoons with him while he waits for her to finish getting ready or for the babysitter to arrive. She watches as he learns what foods Billy likes and hates, as he puts the tomatoes further back on the counter during their taco nights because he knows Billy won't eat them and as he starts telling waitresses that Billy wants cheese on his steamed broccoli when they all go out together. She watches as he learns how much Billy loves to wrestle now that his father isn't around to hit him and how he's always so careful not to hurt him as he drops her giggling son down onto the couch. 

Beverly watches as Sam falls in love with Billy and she hears from the rest of the down as he comes to see Billy as his son.

She bumps into his coworkers when grocery shopping and they tell her how they hope they'll get to see the little guy on the boat since Sam's stories make him sound like such an energetic boy, gets calls from the wives of his coworkers asking if she and Billy want to come over for lunch since the men will be on the boat all weekend and who promise to have watermelon because they've heard that it's the only fruit Billy will eat this summer. 

Billy is slower to come around.

He hasn't been around very many men since they left Neil, Angel Grove is a fishing and mining town and when he visits friends it's usually just their mother's that are home. He flinches when Sam moves on him too quickly or surprises him and cowers when the man laughs in a way that seems booming and loud and _too much_ , but he gets there.

Soon he's asking if Sam will teach him how to tackle on the weekends because the boys at the park are always pushing him around even though he's not that much littler than them, demanding that Beverly and Sam move apart on the couch so he can sit between the two of them on movie nights, pouting and stomping his feet when Sam tells him to eat more vegetables because he knows that he's safe with this man no matter how much of a brat he is. 

And when Beverly and Sam get engaged, Sam proposes to Billy too - asks if he would like to become Sam’s son.

Billy agrees because Sam is the dad he’s never had and he loves this man as much as he loves his mom. 

After the wedding and adoption, Billy starts going by his middle name - Jason.

Beverly and Sam are both confused when it happens, but Billy is in fifth grade - only a year shy of middle school - and kids that age tend to do strange things like that so neither really question it.

Later, it comes out that Billy started going by Jason because he doesn’t want to be Billy Hargrove or Billy Scott because Billy is a name connected to Neil Hargrove and he doesn't want anything to do with that man anymore.

He wants to be Jason Scott, wants to be Sam’s son and not Neil’s. And Sam says over and over that he doesn’t have to do that, that he is his son no matter what, but with knees dirty from playing with kids his own age and a bruise on his jaw from a girl who butted her head into his while they were trying to have their first playground kiss rather than from a man's fist he stands his ground. 

_Not Billy Hargrove_ , he says. _Jason Scott._

Time moves on.

Jason is a freshmen _(star quarterback in freshmen year and everyone is in awe of this boy and his talent. Jason thrives, fed by the love and attention of his mom and dad, with his little sister pearl to take care of and love, with football to help take the edge off anytime he feels too much like Neil Hargrove)_ when he takes his dad's car despite not being old enough to drive and tries to pull a prank that he hopes will make the other varsity players like him more _(because Jason is well liked by the school, but not by his older teammates who thought they deserved his spot)._

He gets the cow inside the locker room - only to crash while trying to get away, messing his knee so badly that those other boys get his spot anyway and he has to go to Saturday detention every week. 

_(Jason never tells anyone this - but he wonders about Neil Hargrove while he's in the hospital, in the times when he's alone because his mom has to take care of Pearl and his dad can't stay off the boat another day without endangering his job. He wonders if his mom heard about the accident and thought that he was a little too much like his father, wonders if Sam heard about the accident and thought that Neil Hargrove might have had it right when he decided that Billy needed to be beaten._

_He's ashamed of those thoughts later - when Sam helps him get to his room and into his bed after he arrives home and his mom watches him with sad, heartbroken eyes because she loves him so much and seeing him so hurt breaks her apart in ways she hasn't been in years, when Sam tells him how disappointed he is that Jason did something like this to lose his scholarship when they had him all lined up for something good but sees how tense Jason is and sighs, tells Jason that they have three years to figure out something else)._

Then he's Power Ranger.

Not just any Power Ranger either - but the leader, the one seen as good enough and brave enough and smart enough to lead a team of people who have to save the world over and over and over. 

And they do it - they save the goddamn world.

And when all is said and done, Jason ends the day with four people who understand him in a way that no one else ever has or ever will. 

_(On one campfire night, with fire warming his face and his teammates warming his heart, Jason whispers the story of Billy Hargrove to them._

_There's silence for just a beat before Zack says - "Well, I'm glad you changed your name. It'd just be confusing with two Billy's on this team." And all five of them start laughing, the tension from the story draining out of the spaces between them._

_Across the fire, Kimberly has her head laid on Trini's shoulder as she laughs into her sweatshirt and Billy has graham cracker crumbs on the corner of his mouth from the smores he's been eating and Zack is leaning against his log with his feet too close to the fire. And Jason feels happier and lighter than he had since the accident)._

A few months shy of Jason's sixteenth birthday, there's an attack.

There have been plenty since the Power Rangers came on the scene, but this one is different. 

This one is different because the Power Rangers stop it - but not before lives are lost.

Not before Jason loses his entire family because he wasn’t fast enough or strong enough.

Because he wasn't _enough._

He wants to keep being Jason Scott. He wants to run around the park with Trini as they chase after his little sister and her little brothers. He wants to listen to his mom wonder about what she should serve for dinner because Billy’s coming over and she knows how restricting his tastes can get sometimes. He wants to feel his dad squeeze his shoulder as he tells him he’s proud of him after he’s spent the day helping Zack take care of things around the house or because he’s gotten in a little bit of trouble at school for saying shit to the cheerleaders who still torture Kimberly. 

But.

But.

_But._

His mom is dead and his dad is dead and Pearl is dead.

And the other Power Rangers are trying so hard to help him because they love him _(and he loves them too, they are a team and family and five pieces of the same whole)_ but there is a truth settled amongst them that their families are still alive and Jason’s isn’t and he finds it hard to look at them suddenly. 

And then.

And then Neil Hargrove takes him away from Angel Grove, because Beverly got the hell out of dodge instead of filing a complaint and Neil Hargrove is the closest living relative of this suddenly orphaned boy, after the funeral _(he was so young when he was taken from his man but he remembers burning stinging slaps to his face and being shoved around until his head struck doorknobs and his mother curling around him in his toddler bed with bruises on her neck from him choking her when she mouthed back)_ and he calls him _William_ when he’s angry and _Billy_ when he’s not. 

He hates Neil Hargrove, but it’s so much easier to be Billy Hargrove than to hold onto Jason Scott. 

That doesn’t mean that he takes it laying down when they get to Santa Monica and Neil introduces his wife and her daughter as Billy’s mother and sister. Because Billy might not want to remember his life as Jason Scott - but he had a mom and he had a sister and these are not them and they never will be. 

Jason Scott becomes Billy Hargrove again, everything that made him Jason Scott gone - his family and his friends and his power coin. 

And Billy Hargrove has bruises on his jaw, cracked ribs in his chest, and a permanent headache from his father pulling his hair out of his head by the handful. 

And Billy Hargrove has anger in his gut, boiling like magma, which spills out of his mouth and fists. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) Hello! I hope everyone enjoyed this first bit. It's been posted on tumblr for a few days, but I really wanted to write more so i moved it over here for that purpose. I really fucking love this idea, though, and I hope you guys will do!
> 
> 2) A lot of these rambling headcanon fics are based not just on my stream of concious thought, but also on what people tell me they want to know about this au so please feel free to send me an ask on tumblr (thepackwantsthed) or leave a question in your comment that you want answered :)
> 
> 3) Forgot to add. This section is a combination of [this post](https://thepackwantsthed.tumblr.com/post/186282671405/okay-last-night-i-posted-this-post-about-billy) and [this post](https://thepackwantsthed.tumblr.com/post/186307630180/the-power-ranger-post-how-dare-you-you-give-him) on my tumblr.


	2. the boy you were (the boy you are)

Jason was his mom’s child.

Jason was a young boy shaking his hair out like a dog and laughing with his mother as it flopped over his eyes, as water sprayed all over their bathroom.

Jason was the boy who walked his sister to school with their hands locked together so she wouldn’t run away and carried her Strawberry Shortcake backpack over one shoulder while she chattered about her music class and learning the recorder.

Jason was the boy who slapped a kid for teasing an autistic kid for wanting his pencils a certain way because his dad had raised him to know that no one - _no one_ \- deserved to be bullied or abused.

Jason was a hero - the Red Power Ranger standing tall with the others flanking him and confidence in his shoulders even when they seemed so close to losing. 

Jason was a teenager who has lost everything that has ever mattered to him and whose heart _aches_ when his friends call him by his name because his mom and dad and sister are dead and he wanted to be a Scott, but not the last one. 

Neil Hargrove kept them in Santa Monica for a few months, before packing them all off to Hawkins. It’s a decision made for a combination of reasons - because he’s lost his job for being drunk one too many times, because people are starting to question Susan’s turtlenecks in the summer, because neighbors are reconsidering the perfect look of the family now that it turns out Neil had an ex-wife and son that left him for some reason. 

Billy had already changed in the months he lived in Santa Monica, had already started distancing himself not just from who Jason had been but from the friends who knew him inside and out. He ignored Susan when he was told one of them were on the phone, slipped the letters they sent into a box under his bed without reading them, threw away any of the packages sent without looking at what was inside.

But moving to Hawkins was like flipping a switch for him, changing him in those ways that he couldn't bring himself to change when he was still in California and some part of him felt as though his mother was still hovering over his shoulder. 

Billy Hargrove is everything that Jason Scott was not. 

Billy Hargrove blasts music loudly enough to burst eardrums and without concern for neighbors that he doesn’t know.

_He doesn't think about Sam with Pearl on his feet, dancing together to the music playing in the kitchen while he helped his mother with dinner._

Billy Hargrove buys himself an old camaro and never drives without his foot pressed all the way against the floor, the engine rumbling beneath him. 

_He doesn't think about a bright red truck with the windows all busted out, about Sam telling him the day that his house arrest bracelet came off that he could have it once they finished getting it fixed._

Billy Hargrove sneers at the idea of taking Max Mayfield to school, but puts up with her in the car as long as he doesn’t have to hear her voice because he doesn’t want her but she’s not worth getting his ass kicked by Neil.

_He doesn't think about Pearl's hand in his own while the sun beats down even so early in the morning and his sister murmurs her elementary school secrets to him when he promises not to tell their parents._

Billy Hargrove bares his teeth and infuses every word with anger, with confidence, with the idea that he’s on top of the food chain.

_He doesn't think of Kimberly and how she had loved being a cheerleader, but how her fall had taught how to be a good person. He does not think about Zack being labeled a delinquent for not being at school on his mother's worst days, does not think of Trini with her head down incase she stares too long at skin exposed by a girl's skirt, does not think of Billy shoved to the bottom of the food chain for having an illness that doesn't make him any less of a person than the rest of them._

Billy Hargrove joins the basketball team to stay out of his house, but sneers at varsity jackets and slams his elbows into chests with every chance he gets.

_He doesn't think about the smell of a football field when you're tackled into it, does not think about his dad dumping nachos all over when he gets too excited at a touchdown and his mom with a school shirt on and his number painted on the back and Pearl with her cheeks painted with school colors._

Billy Hargrove keeps a cigarette tucked behind his ear and marijuana in the camaro's dashboard and does a better keg-stand than anyone else he's ever met. 

_He doesn't think about the Power Rangers doing their best to stay in their best shape because their job is to save people and they have to be their best to do that._

_And he definitely doesn't think about his mom refusing to drink alcohol because of the monster it made her ex-husband or about his dad agreeing to do the same._

Billy Hargrove has a dead family, a father who only speaks or touches him when its to hit him, a step-mother who ignores the bruises on his skin because hers are finally fading, a step-sister who raises hell but whose skin stays white because it's Billy that doesn't understand respect or responsibility. 

Billy Hargrove is done being a good boy.

Billy Hargrove is done being a hero. 

Billy Hargrove just wants some of the pain to go away and for someone to hurt as much as he does. 

And then he meets Steve Harrington. 

This boy with the pretty swooping hair, with wide brown eyes, with lips that draw Billy's attention every time he sees his face. 

This boy who reminds him of his mom asking which of his friends he liked - all _Kimberly is very pretty, sweetheart_ and _Zack is such a nice boy, isn't he?_ or _Billy has the nicest eyes, doesn't he Jason?_ and _oh sweetie, I hope it's not Trini because I really don't think she likes boys -_ and how he has lost that support.

This boy who reminds him of his dad walking into his room, awkward and clearing his throat, and trying to make sure that Billy knew he would love him regardless of whether he liked boys or girls or both.

This boy who reminds him of getting ice cream with Pearl while she giggled out information about her crush and insisted that Billy tell her his secrets too. 

This boy who decided that popularity didn't mean as much as being a good person or having good friends. 

This boy who reminds Billy not just of the family he lost, but of the boy who he used to be and the things that he used to value. 

Billy looks at Steve Harrington and he likes what he sees as much as he hates what he sees. 


	3. the boy you are (and those who mold you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a lot of rehashing of season two seasons and hopefully everyone will enjoy them as much as they've enjoyed the rest of the fic!

Billy dribbled the ball, keeping his hand steady and his grip on the ball firm.

It's easy to do this. Power Rangers need steady hands to fly zords and fight villains, especially Red who has to keep the megazord steady even when teammates start to panic. The megazord is a team effort, but Red is the head and the head has to stay calm. 

Keeping steady doesn't take much of his concentration, though, and Billy was finding it hard to stand in front of Steve Harrington without talking to him, finding it hard not to do what he can to keep the other boy's eyes on him instead of on the ball in his hands.

He hates what he sees as much as he likes what he sees. 

"Jesus do you ever stop talking?" Steve Harrington is saying. 

Billy's trying not to stare at Steve's feet, moving constantly as if he thinks it'll help him get to Billy any faster when he goes to move. 

_And he's trying not to be a seven year old bouncing on the couch with his hands on his mom's boyfriend's thigh begging for him to teach him how to keep the older boys at the park from tackling him so easy, trying not to be ten and parroting his dad's words to the younger boys on the little league team so they can win against the bigger boys, trying not to be thirteen years old and trying out for the varsity team during the summer even though he's only going into his freshmen year, trying not to be fifteen and teaching Zack that if he needs to stand firm if he's going to avoid getting knocked back during hand-to-hand combat._

He laughs, at little bit at Steve and a little bit at the hysterical panic starting to build in his chest. 

"What?" he barks. "Afraid the coach is going to bench you now that I'm here?" And he's teasing, but he knows there's something cruel about the words. 

He pushes past, leaning down and shoving his shoulder into Harrington's shoulder to knock him down. Makes the basket.

He loops back to Harrington, holds out a hand. 

And when the boy takes it, Billy grips hard. 

"You're moving your feet," Billy says, voice harsh and low. "Plant them next time. Draw a charge."

In the back of his head, he can hear his dad's voice. And he keeps his eyes on Steve's because if he doesn't than he's going to close them and see -

_It's the first time Sam has watched him without his mother being immediately available and_ _Sam is crouching down in front of him. He taps his fingers against white shoes that light up blue and red when he stomps, telling him 'You move your feet too much. If you don't want to go down with every tackle or push than you need to plant them. Dig your heels in and refuse to move._

Billy showers first or last, hops in the shower immediately or spends enough time talking shit that no one's really around by the time he finishes. It helps him hide the bruises under his clothes, his chest colored like a Da Vinci or Picasso and the angry red marks on his back detailing exactly which bookshelf Billy was shoved against. 

Steve Harrington apparently didn't get the memo though, because when Billy finally stepped into the shower after most of the other guys had left Steve's still there. 

Billy tries to keep his back to the wall and tries to keep his eyes away from the beautiful boy in front of him. And Billy tries not to hear his mom's voice in his head because Steve Harrington is exactly the kind of boy that Billy's mother would have loved.

( _She would have called him into her bedroom on a weekend that Sam was out on the boat and Pearl was staying at a friend's house. She would have patted her hand against her mattress, would have made him come by her and he would have gone. Because Sam tried so hard to make up for the all of the times Neil Hargrove has deprived them off affection by making hugging, cuddling, and touching important to their family. He would have curled up with her, his shoulder against hers and an arm around her and they would have pretended that it was still easy for them to fit together, like he wasn't too tall or bulky to fit into her side._

_And she would have listened to him say how pretty Steve Harrington's doe eyes were and how pretty he looked when his hair was a little wild from sweat and basketball. And she would have heard how he got distract by the way Steve's shorts showed off his thighs and how upset he had been when he was assigned skins for practice instead of Steve._

_She would have buried her face in his hair, a smile on her lips, and there would have been laughter in her voice as she said, 'Oh sweetheart, if you're going to like them pretty you have to get better at not being stupid when you look at them.'_ _And he would have groaned because she didn't understand that it was so hard not to be stupid in the face of Steve Harrington's pretty.)_

But his mom is dead and there is a beautiful boy in front of him who Billy desperately wants to touch, so he finds himself talking, even though Tommy is with them too. 

"Don't take it too hard man. Pretty boy like you's got nothing to worry about. Plenty of bitches in the sea, am I right?" And he slaps his hand against Steve's shoulder as he turns the water off and moves to leave, tries to ignore the way that he can hear Kimberly and Trini squawking at his language and can see Zack frowning at him and Billy wondering aloud if he missed something because that didn't seem very nice but he's not very good on picking up on those things so he could be wrong. "I'll be sure to leave you some."

And he's coming out of his bedroom, only to find that Max is gone and Neil is blaming him as if he's supposed to keep track of her and telling him he's supposed to take care of his sister. 

_(And he thinks of being half way out the door, going to Trini's house so the two of them can work on chemistry homework together, when his dad asks if he minds taking Pearl to the Kwan's house with him since she's always asking to play with Trini's younger brothers._

_He thinks of sighing and saying that he's already running late, but of stopping anyway and yelling at Pearl to hurry up if she's coming with him. He thinks of the way she comes running at him, of the way her socks make her slide through the kitchen._

_He thinks of laughing as he catches her by the shoulders, telling her, 'I didn't mean for you to run so fast you fell, Pearly.' And he thinks of her looking up at him, eight years old with her hair in pigtails and one of her bottom front teeth missing, as she says, 'You were going to leave me!'_

_He thinks of laughing as he promises that he never would have actually left without her, of bending down to help her tie her shoes as an apology because she's getting good at doing it herself but the knots always come apart when she's too excited, of the way her small hand feels in his as the two of them leave the house and the way their dad shouts that he loves them and how they shout it back as he closes the door behind them)_

He's being pushed into the wall and a fist is slamming into him and everything hurts, bursts of lava hot pain that fuel the magma burning in his stomach. Neil turns away, and there are tears in the corner of Billy's eyes because there are moments when it is easy to forget Jason Scott and there are moments when he wants his mom and dad and sister so badly that he can't shove it down hard enough. 

It's not hard to figure out that Max had snuck out to hang out with Lucas Sinclair and the band of misfits he hangs out with. 

_(He's standing next to his sister's coffin at the wake because they're burying them all together and he knows his mom and dad would want him to carry Pearl rather than either of them. The Rangers have spread out amongst the coffins in support though. Kimberly and Trini stand with the neighborhood men who loved his mother's cookies and her lemonade and who helped her with the house when Sam was out on the boat. Zack stands with the men from the fishing dock who have offered to carry Sam and somehow he's making everyone laugh despite how badly they are all hurt by the lost of this man who helped them weather storms at sea. And Billy stands across from him with Pearl, still in a way that he never is and he knows that it's hard for him but he appreciates how much effort Billy is putting into making sure no one has to worry about him at he funeral._

_And Neil Hargrove is in the back - he hadn't wanted that man here, but Neil insisted that they were leaving the second everyone was buried - and he has seen the way he sneered at the others. The way Neil's eyes are filled with a hate that he has learned each of his friends has to deal with far too often from those around them.)_

And it fills him with a white hot rage that he's never known before because he's warned Max. He's warned her over and over again that she can't do this shit. He's tried to make it clear that there are consequences of her actions - not just in the bruises on Billy's face that she doesn't seem to care about, but in the way their father will rip apart those boys she likes so much. 

But Max doesn't listen or learn and it's Billy that takes the bruises.

"Am I dreaming or is that you Harrington?"

"Yeah, it's me. Don't cream your pants."

Even with lava boiling in his gut, Billy finds that he wants to laugh at that. 

"What are you doing here amigo?"

"I could ask you the same thing...amigo."

"Looking for my stepsister. A little birdie told me she was here."

"Huh that's weird. I don't know her."

"Small, red head, bit of a bitch."

"Doesn't ring a bell sorry."

Steve Harrington is pretty, but Billy hates what he sees as much as he likes it and this entire night has his stomach hot with rage. 

It's easy to reach for the cigarette in his mouth and let the venom on his tongue loose, "You know, I don't know. This whole situation, Harrington. I don't know. It's giving me the heebie jeebies."

It's all too easy to reach for the poison that night, all too easy to spill the magma in him out by pounding his fists into Steve's face, all too easy to hit this beautiful boy and feel like he can beat Jason Scott out of himself. 

But then there's something sharp stinging in his neck and he's ---

asleep.

_(He's laying down on the cliffs around the mine, the rocks hard against his back and the California sun shining down on his face._

_He's alone._

_He's alone._

_He's alone._

_He's alone._

_He's alone._

_He's alone._

_He's -_

_Zack is lying next to him. Billy keeps himself closed, legs together and arms out, but Zack starfishes out as if he can't stand to be crammed together. His eyes are closed, his expression blissful and free but also a little pained. Like he's were he wants to be, but something is still far out of his reach._

_Trini is sitting at his feet with her legs crossed under her, head down as she picks at his nails. Her shoulders are straight and heavy with anxiety, and Jason wants to reach out for her and press his palm to her shoulder and tell her that he's here for her and she doesn't need to worry but his body feels so, so heavy._

_Billy is on his other side. He's not looking away from Jason in the steady way that Trini is, but he's not looking at him either. Instead he glances all around them. There are fingers tapping a rhythm against his side, a song that Jason can just faintly remember the words too._

_Kimberly is sat somewhere above his head. He can't see her, but Jason knows his team as well as he knows himself_ _and he can feel her in his bones._

_"Jason," she says, her voice is a whisper on the wind, soft and familiar. Everything feels heavy, but Jason can't find the energy to close his eyes even though he wants to badly to revel in the sound of it._

_There are hands on his face, guiding him until he's looking up at Kimberly's face. She's upside down, but he knows that her nose is crooked from that time a villain broke it despite their invulnerability and the way that her jaw curves and how her hair always slips out from behind her ear because it's too short to stay still._

_He knows them all - knows how Zack's lips curve when he smiles and how it looks when wind pushes through his short hair, knows Trini's fingers as they work to braid her hair and the way she looks in the rare moment when her walls fall and her shoulders follow suit, knows the frantic look in Billy's eyes when everything is too much and the way that he can't keep his fingers still even in his calmest moments - and he longs for them in a way that aches._

_It's love, but a type that goes so much deeper than romance. It is - **best friends and family and five pieces of the same whole.**_

_"Kimberly," he says. Her name falls from his lips and it feels like he's going to choke on it, on all the feelings in his chest and all of the words in his throat that he's never said. It's all of the phone calls he ignored from them and all of the times when he bit his lips instead of calling them like he wanted._

_"You are a stupid, stupid boy," she tells him. And Jason wants to cry because he knows, he knows, he knows. He knows that his dad would be ashamed of him and that his mom would cry and that Pearl wouldn't recognize this angry person in her big brother's body._

_"I'm going to start calling you crazy boy," Zack says. "To go with Trini being a crazy girl."_

_Trini's familiar offended huffing. "Don't compare me to him."_

_"You are being pretty crazy," Billy says._

_"This is not who you are," Kim tells him._

_"My family is dead," Jason says. "I can't be who I was without them."_

_"You could be, but you don't have to be if it hurts too much." Her fingers are so gentle on his face that Jason feels even more like crying, because he does not deserve this when he has been so terrible. When he has grabbed at Maxine like Neil grabs at him, when he has shoved a boy in the wall for being black and associating with his step-sister, when he has pounded his own self-hatred into Steve Harrington's face. "But you don't have to leave him behind either. Billy Hargrove and Jason Scott don't have to be opposites."_

_It's suddenly easy to move, suddenly easy to find the energy to shake his head._

_"No," she says, nails pressing against his face. It doesn't hurt, Kim knows him instead and outside and she knows just how much he can take before he feels it, but it's enough to still him. And she's looking in his eyes, telling him, "You are not two different people. You are Jason Scott and you are Billy Hargrove. You are the reason your mom found the strength to leave, you are the boy Sam chose, and the brother that Pearl loves. But you are also the boy that Neil Hargrove doesn't know how to love, you are the boy that Susan Hargrove finds it easier to ignore than acknowledge, you are the boy that Max is learning to love and hate in equal measures. Choosing to be Jason Scott didn't stop you from being Billy Hargrove and being Billy Hargrove doesn't erase your years as Jason Scott."_

_There's a shifting in the air._

_There is not just Kimberly's hands on his face and Billy's fingers on his ribs, but Zack's side pressed to his and Trini's hand on his ankle._

_"You are just as strong as you have always been, Billy Hargrove," and there's something inside him crumbling at the way that Kimberly calls him Billy instead of Jason. "You are still the boy you have always been. You just have to find your back to being a hero."_


	4. those who mold you (and what you did yourself)

Billy wakes up in his bed the next morning, not quite sure how he got there.

The clock tells him it's almost one. Billy supposes that means he had slept for at least twelve hours, but his body still feels heavy with whatever had been in the giant ass needle he'd gotten stabbed with. 

More noticeable than the heaviness in his limbs, though, was the lightness in his chest.

Since his family had died, Billy had felt like he had gone back to being fourteen and drowning under pressure of being a Power Ranger. He felt like he was fourteen, being held against a boat by Rita's ropes and forced to watch one of his friends drown. He had felt like he was fourteen and in a zord he barely knew how to control, trying to hold the line. 

There's something lighter in him now, though. Something knocked loose by dreams of his friends. Maybe it was all of the pieces of Jason - of himself, _of Billy_ \- that he had locked away since he had found out about his family. 

It felt like some of the happiness he had back then was with him now. When he closed his eyes and pictures of his family swam in his mind, the memories hurt less. They felt more like being wrapped in his mother's arms after spending a week away at football camp, like Sam barging into the house with his booming laughter after having been away at sea for a long time, like Pearl launching herself at him after having spent some of her summer away at Girl Scout Camp. 

It felt a little bit like some of the confidence he had in himself as the Red Ranger had come seeping back into him. He had already been rocked when he had moved back in with his father, but Neil beating into him had been enough to crack him open and it had felt like Billy only had cheap glue to put himself back together with. Now it felt like those cracks had been repaired with something sturdier, with memories of who he was and what he had done and all of the secrets that made him ten times the man that Neil Hargrove was. 

It felt like some of the angry and sadness had finally been knocked loose.

It felt sudden, but Billy had spent the last six months feeling like a dam about to burst and last night had been the storm that finally did him in. 

Billy laid in bed for most of that afternoon with his arms spread wide and his eyes closed, remembering his family and himself and trying to figure out how to get back the things he had let slip through his fingers like sand. 

When he finally emerged from his bedroom, Neil had plenty to say about how lazy his son had been - both with his mouth and his fists. 

And if his fist hurt a little more after hitting Billy that day, then neither of them really noticed. 

There are a lot of things Billy Hargrove has to do to claw his way back to himself, because feeling like himself does not mean that all of the actions he has taken have magically been reversed. In fact, all that feeling like himself has done is made Billy feel ashamed - for the way he treated Max because she might not be his sister but she is thirteen and Power Rangers are supposed to protect kids like her, for the way he attacked Lucas Sinclair because he'd forgotten that his father's beliefs are not his own and sometimes standing your ground is worth taking a few hits, for the way he released his self loathing and anger on Steve Harrington's face when it was really himself he wanted to hurt. 

There are a lot of things Billy Hargrove has to do, a lot of apologies that have to be made.

The first thing he does is this -

_"Hello?"_

"Hi Mrs. Hart."

There was a moment before, " _Jason? Jason Scott?"_

"Yes ma'am," because there wasn't really a point in explaining to Mrs. Hart that he was going by something different now, not when she wasn't really privy to his entire backstory anyway.

_"Gosh! I haven't heard from you in ages."_

He hummed, noncommittally before asking, "Would it be possible for me to talk to Kimberly?"

 _"Of course! Let me just get her for you!"_ There was shuffling on the other end, the familiar sound of Mrs. Hart calling for her daughter. Distantly he could hear Kimberly's reply, just the faintest impression of her voice. It had him closing his eyes, reveling in the sound. It was one thing to hear her in his dreams, it was enough to hear her through the phone. 

Several moments later, her voice was in his ear, _"Ja- Billy?"_

"Hey Kim." He wondered briefly how she had known that he was going by his birth name now. But hearing her and speaking to her was too nice for him to want to dwell on that. "Do you have time to talk?"

 _"To you? Always."_ There was a beat before she added, _"There's some stuff I should probably tell you anyway."_

So it turned out that not having his power coin anymore didn't really mean anything. 

It had already changed his physiology in ways that couldn't be reversed, had already connected his mind to his team and the morph grid in significant ways, had already decided that even the darkness in him wasn't so dark that he wouldn't be able to pull himself out of it.

When that darkness had come, though, everything the power coin had given had simply buried themselves deep inside of himself until he pulled himself out of it. According to Kimberly, it was a strange combination of advanced technology and magic. Zordon and Alpha had explained it to the remaining Rangers after Billy had left, reassuring them that even when he wasn't with them he was always one of them. 

It also turned out that his dream hadn't really been a dream after all. 

Or it had been a dream, but only in the sense that he had been asleep. 

When he had gone down, terrified and bursting at the seams from the way his fight with Steve had made him feel, his mind had reached out for the other Rangers, desperate for the comfort and certainty that they brought with them. They had all been sleeping at the same time as him and the morph grid which connected them had allowed them to slip into the same space. 

It was possible to do when they awake, Kim told him. The rest of the team had been working on slipping into it when they were in Saturday detention, but Billy had locked himself so firmly in his own darkness that it had been impossible for them to reach him until that moment. 

It had all made Billy feel a strange mixture of happiness and panic, made him feel like laughing and hyperventilating at the same time. Because for all that he was already settling back into himself, Kimberly's words were reassurance that he really was still the boy he had been, that he really was still a hero even despite all that he had done. And the same time, Kimberly's words meant that a hero had done all of the truly terrible things that Billy had done and that made his stomach turn because that was never the legacy he had wanted to leave. 

And even with all of the mixed emotions that he was feeling, Billy found that the desperation he felt to be back with his friends had him asking, "Do you think we could all try tonight?"

" _Of course we can, Billy. We've all missed you."_

There's something strange about Hawkins, Indiana. 

Now that Billy's connecting back into his powers as a Ranger, it's easy to tell that there's something wrong in the air. Like when the air in Angel Grove felt charged in the moment before another attack on the zeo crystal. Only Hawkins didn't feel like it was in anticipation, it felt like it had settled in it's strangeness - like it had nourished the roots of the trees in the forests, like it ran through the rivers as steadily as the water did, like it was the very foundation that each of the town's buildings relied on to stay standing. 

It was a strange feeling, one that settled in Billy's teeth like a vibration that wouldn't stop. 

But with no real source for the strangeness, with the strangeness being everywhere and nowhere all at once, Billy was forced to deal with it and move on with his life.

He starts with the Power Rangers. 

He continues with this - 

he's taking Max to school, the windows of the camaro rolled down because the heat works a little too well and the crisp winter wind feels good on their cheeks, and Michael Jackson is flowing out of the stereo because he wasn't going to let Max pick the music completely but he didn't mind playing something they could agree on. 

_she told me her name was Billie Jean, as she caused a scene_

_then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one_

_who will dance on the floor in the round_

"Hey Max," he asks, breaking the silence that has permeated all of their time together since she stuck that night at the Byers house. She doesn't look at him when he speaks, staring out the half rolled window like the trees passing by will somehow make him shut his mouth. "Did Neil tell you anything about me or my life before he brought me back to your place?" He's been smoking as he drives, because that's one of the parts of the old Billy that's lingered through all of the changes happening inside of him, and he taps the cigarette against the window before he says, "I had a little sister before dad brought me home to you and Susan. Her name was Pearl. Her birthday was four months away when she died. There was a dollhouse hidden in my bedroom closet because I had taught her to look in our parents closet for her presents before Christmas that year."

A twitch in her arm, not a response but enough of one that he knows she's listening.

And so Billy talks for the entirety of the drive - about holding Pearl when she was first born, about how her first steps were taken while toddling towards him to play with her blocks, about begging their mother to dress her up as a dragon so that they could be Pete and Pete's dragon for Halloween, about excitedly picking out supplies for her first day of kindergarten, about walking her to school everyday with her hand in his when he was in middle school and about how she cried when she found out that his being in high school meant that he couldn't walk her in anymore. 

By the time they pull into the school's parking lot, Billy's smoked two more cigarettes and Michael Jackson has changed to some Cyndi Lauper song he never would have listened to if he hadn't been talking. 

"No matter what Neil says, you aren't my sister," he tells her as he parked in a space close to the door. "But you are something to me and I'm sorry I've been treating you like shit."

It doesn't really feel like an adequate apology to him, he doesn't really think there _is_ an adequate apology for the way he's been treating her, but it must be for her because she speaks for him for the first time in almost three weeks, "I'm sorry, Billy."

"It's not your fault," he tells her. And he reaches out, putting his hand on her head and ruffles her hair. He doesn't think he's ever touched her this gently before, doesn't think he's ever put his hands on her without his grip leaving bruises on her milky skin. "Now get out of my car and get to class. I'm pretty sure your algebra grade is bad enough without you missing."

"Fuck you!" she huffs, all puffed out cheeks and red hair and spitfire in her eyes despite the atmosphere in the car. And it's so uniquely her - so uniquely _Max_ \- that the visions of Pearl that have been swirling behind his eyelids since he started talking seem to go transparent and disappear. "My grades are fine!"

When he goes to bed that night, the Rangers are waiting for him with smiles on their lips and approval in their eyes and soft touches to remind him that they know how rough it was for him to get the words out. 

There are a lot of apologies left to make - to the kids for scaring them as badly as he did _(and when he does, he's going to teach them what not to do when there are two dudes fighting in front of them because it's really a miracle that none of them got hurt given the way he was throwing Steve around)_ , to Lucas Sinclair specifically for letting Neil's words dictate his actions ( _and he's going to have to try and have that conversation without thinking about Mrs. Cranston or Mrs. Hart and how those two women have allowed him into their homes and the lives of their children without a second thought)_ , to Steve Harrington for bashing his face in the way he did ( _he's not sorry for hitting him that first time outside of the Byers house - Steve Harrington is pretty but he would have kicked the ass of anyone Steve's age that was lying about and keeping Pearl from him and he doesn't regret doing the same for Max - but he is sorry for how brutal he got once they were inside)_ , to Joyce Byers for disrespecting her house the way he had _(because, god, his mom would be so ashamed to hear of him smashing the dinner plates of a woman like Joyce Byers - of a woman who would remind his mother so much of herself in those days before his dad came into their lives),_ maybe even to Susan for getting so caught up in himself that Max was able to sneak out the way she did _(Susan doesn't deserve many apologies from him, not when his bruises get worse everyday and she turns her head away because hers have been gone for months without reappearing, but she loves her daughter even if she can't find room in her heart for Billy and he can't help but think of how his mom would have panicked if he or Pearl disappeared like that)._

All of them seem slightly less daunting when he thinks about going to sleep after and letting the support of his friend's lift some of the pressure from his shoulders. 


	5. what you did yourself (and the people who made it easier)

As winter in Hawkins faded away, giving way to Spring as snow was replaced with rain and boys having snowball fights in their front lawns were replaced girls sitting on steps as they wove daisy chains, Billy found himself slowly starting to adjust to Hawkins. 

He had pushed himself so hard not to be Jason Scott when they had moved that he hadn't really let himself settle in a routine here, hadn't really let himself have any sort of life here since that life couldn't include his family or the Power Rangers. He didn't want to be settled with Hawkins, Indiana becoming his new normal.

Realizing that letting Hawkins become his normal - it would never really be his home, not when Angel Grove existed; carrying the smell of fish from the ocean which had always followed his father home, holding Hansen's Butchery and Tatia Hansen who always gave him a lollipop while she was checking his mom out, with the elementary school field where he had played his first football game and where he had participated in a three-legged race with Pearl on one of her field days - didn't change who he was or what Angel Grove meant to him made it easier to relax into it. 

So he settled. 

He stayed in his room as long as he could in the mornings before taking Max to the elementary schools - because Neil had stopped hitting him so much as Billy's body started leaving his knuckles bruised but his words had always rocked Billy harder. Before everything they had spent their drives in tense angry silence. Now they spent it with the windows rolled down so that they could smell the spring air and music they agreed on playing from the stereo - Michael Jackson and Bon Jovi, a few Metallica and Led Zeppelin songs that Max didn't sneer at, and several singles by Whitney Houston and Cyndi Lauper that Billy pretended he didn't enjoy even as he bobbed his head along with them. 

He went through his school day in some combination of his two lives - not keeping his head down quite as much as he had following his accident in Angel Grove ( _the way his parents looked at him when he was in the hospital never quite left him and Jason preferred spending his time with the Power Rangers to talking to any of the football players or cheerleaders he had been trying so hard to fit in with when he took that cow)_ but not throwing himself into everything as he had when he first arrived in Hawkins. He never really went to parties in Angel Grove, preferred campfire nights in the mines with all of the Rangers or boys nights at Zack's house where they watched scary movies and ate buckets full of candy or going to the pizzeria for Free Slice Saturdays with Trini and Kimberly, but he's found that he likes the ones in Hawkins. There was something nice about the pounding of the music and the laughter of his classmates, about dancing with girls until sweat was sticking his hair to his forehead and he felt a little manic, about the warmth of a pleasant buzz or the float-y feeling that came with smoking something good that he liked.He spent time with the members of the basketball team because he liked most of them and he talked to a few of the kids from his classes, but he stopped feeling like the entire school had to know him or like he had to be at every party. 

After school he'd take Max wherever she wanted to go - sometimes the arcade and sometimes Mike Wheeler's house for some dumb things all the kids were doing and sometimes to the mall or wherever else her group of weirdos were meeting. And more and more nowadays, he found himself hanging around after he dropped her off. Not to hang out with little group, but because Steve always seemed to be watching Henderson and Sinclair.

It was hard to describe what had developed between him and Steve since Billy had apologized to him ( _billy walking up to steve in the arcade parking lot after max ran in with sinclair and henderson on her heels, hoping that steve feels safe enough to talk to him in the parking lot where there are plenty of parents and other kids that would spot them if billy startled anything with him. the look on steve's face, exhaustion and expectation and resignation like he knew that he didn't stand a chance against billy given the shape he was in. billy's stomach rolling with hot, hot shame because his dad had always taught him to understand his size and his mom would have cried for hours if she knew that billy had done to steve's face what neil hargrove liked to do to billy's. his throat was tight as he said his peace - an rambling apology and the explanations he had to given without telling steve about neil's abuse. And steve had looked at him like he understood what it was like to hate yourself so much that you wanted to someone else to hurt just as much as you did (and didn't it just break billy's heart to think that this beautiful, sweet boy knew that sort of feeling) and nodded)._

They were something like friends, but there was a tension buried under each of their interactions.

It was leaning against the hoods of one of their cars, talking for as long as they wanted about everything from casual shit to Steve's college worries while the kids spent their arcade money or something. Billy's eyes drifting to Steve's long fingers and barely catching it when Steve lingered on Billy's lips wrapped. 

It was being squeezed together in a booth at the diner so that they could all fit together at the table, letting the kids do their own thing while Billy teased Steve about ordering the same thing as a thirteen year old and Steve looking disgusted at the sugary drinks Billy ordered. It was the way Billy's knee grew hot when Steve's bumped his under the table and the way their eyes met when Steve licked the whipped cream from his pancakes off his lips. 

It was walking after the kids in the mall, not quite running after them so that they had their space but keeping them within their eyesight, Billy asking Steve which earrings made him look more badass and Steve trying on sixteen pairs of sunglasses even though summer was months away. It was the way their fingers always seemed to brush as they walked and the way that they always seemed to walk at just the right pace to keep from pulling away from each other. 

They were something like friends, but there was a current running under all of their actions. 

It was the sort of thing that Billy wouldn't usually be afraid to address - but Steve pushed his hair back and Billy saw the scar along his hairline from the glass he'd smashed into his face, but he glanced at Steve's lips while the boy licked ice cream from them and thought about how Steve's blood had painted his teeth during their fight, but he thought about how badly he had injured this beautiful, wonderful boy and felt as worthless as Neil always said he was. Billy wouldn't have been afraid, except for the fact that he had hurt in Steve in ways that meant he didn't deserve his friendship much less his love and he was terrified of losing this boy now that he had finally grasped him. 

But even with everything he was struggling with - the emotional recoil as he came to terms with his actions upon moving to Hawkins, the weight of the grief that would never leave him and the sharp sting of every word his father hurled at him even with his confidence rebuilding, the struggle of trying to rebuild his relationships with the Power Rangers and remembering how to be one of them, the painstaking work of crafting new relationships with Max and Steve and all the other people who were part of his life in Hawkins - Billy found that the life he was making for himself in Hawkins made him truly happy. 

Billy woke up for the final time before Spring Break started to anticipation licking up his spine and fingers twitching as though they were trying to grab onto something in the air. 

Hawkins had felt strange to him since his powers had began switching back on. And while it had that still had that strange current of being a powerful place rather than a place holding something powerful like Angel Grove, there was something in the air that rung more familiar now. 

It was like a twining mix of things. On one hand there was something about it that soothed Billy, that felt like gaining something that he had been lost for a long time or coming home after spending a long time away. Just under that pleasant feeling, though, was the lurking feeling of power and unease, the sort of thing seemed to settle into the air in Angel Grove shortly before an attack on the Zeo Crystal. 

That morning he licked his lips as he pushed himself up into a sitting position and turned to look out the window. 

He spent that morning looking out the window, the soft early morning sunshine peeking out from behind clouds and the birds flying across the sky, and wondering what it was that had his blood singing. 


	6. interlude: have you ever seen the sun's smile?

Steve was a few steps away from his parking spot at school when he heard an unfamiliar voice calling, "Excuse me! Could you help us with something?"

He didn't really register that he specifically was being spoken to, but hearing someone knew was a strange occurrence in Hawkins and he found himself lifting his head. 

There was a girl that he had never seen on the other side of his car. Her dark hair was cut down to her shoulders like Nancy's, but it had a glossy volume that hers didn't. Her skin was a soft brown shade, leading Steve to believe she was biracial. That was rare in Hawkins. He liked to think they were pretty forward thinking for a small town, but he knew that it wasn't as true as he liked to think. 

A few feet behind her was a group of teens that he had never seen before - an asian boy, a hispanic girl, and a black boy. While the former seemed to be looking all around them, the latter two were focused on Steve and the girl in front of him. 

It would have been one thing if it was just her, but having four strangers staring at him so intensely set Steve a little bit on edge. 

Still, he asked, "With what?"

"We're looking for a friend of ours who goes to school here," she said. 

"Ah." Steve thought about it for a moment - he wouldn't want to give out information on any of the kids unless he was sure they knew who he was giving that information to but it wasn't a kid she was looking for, it was a high schooler. "What year?"

"Junior. He transferred earlier this semester from California."

He ignored the first person that popped into his head, because he thought about him so much nowadays that it was obvious he would be the first person he thought of with a description like that, but the more he mulled it over the more he realized that his first thought was really the only answer he had.

Steve opened his mouth to ask, but before he could get the words out he heard, "Kim?"

Glancing over his shoulder, he found Billy stood several feet away from him. There was a lit cigarette dangling loosely from his fingers, like he'd had his head bent to light it and noticed the girl when he looked back up. Billy was good at hiding what he was feeling, but in this moment his surprise was written all over his first. There was something else there too - like awe or disbelief. 

The girl's - Kim's - face lit up as she spotted him, but her voice was soft as she said, "Billy."

Steve watched as the two of them stared at each other, a curious churning in his stomach. It felt a little like watching Nancy with Jonathan had in the days right after their break-up, sad and upsetting and nauseous. 

"Kim," Billy repeated, the tone of his voice changing into something light and pleased. The surprise slipped from his face as a huge wide grin took over. 

For just a second the terrible feeling in Steve's gut was wiped away.

With the Spring sun shining down on his bright curls and wild happiness in his blue eyes and a grin as wide as the ocean on his lips, Billy looked like some kind of god and it stole Steve's breath away in a quick sweep. 

Then he realized that in all of their time together - all of the time spent leaning against the camaro's hood with cigarettes in their hands and laughter on their lips, all of the afternoons spent trading quips across a table at the dining and stealing fries from each other's plates, all of the hours spent being giddy drunk and belting out pop music Billy refused to admit he liked at the quarry - Billy had never looked that happy. 

And the sick feeling came crashing back through his gut like a tsunami against the shore. 

"Okay well," Steve said. Both Billy and Kim looked at him at him as he spoke. The way they turned in unison - already so in sync even though it seemed like they hadn't seen each other in forever - had his nausea growing. "I'm glad you guys found each other! Sorry I wasn't actually much help. I'm going to get going now because I have to get to the middle school."

Billy looked at Kim before throwing a look over his shoulder at the others that were with her before looking back at Steve. "Hey, Steve, would you mind doing me a favor? Since you're headed to the middle school anyway?"

"Max?" Steve said. He looked down at his car, refusing to look at Billy as he unlocked it. He tried not to think about how Billy always took Max home and how much these people - this girl - had to mean to him for him to do that. 

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I was supposed to take her out to the Sinclair's, so it shouldn't be too far out of your way."

"I've got it. I'll take her over there."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

If Nancy had taught Steve anything, it was that the people he loved were likely to be happier with people who weren't him and he'd just have to deal with that if he wanted them in his life. 


	7. the people who made it easier (for you to be whole)

Once Steve left the parking lot, Billy took Kim's hand in his own. 

It was a simple gesture, one that shouldn't have really meant much, but had both of them closing their eyes. They reveled in the warmth of each other's palms - in the way Billy's large fingers felt against Kim's slimmer ones and the soft warmth of familiar skin - and the calm that came with being able to touch each other again. 

Each of the Rangers were their own person. They were complete without each other. 

But at the same time they were partners, best friends, family. They knew each other's bodies inside and out even without having explored them, knew every nook-and-cranny of each other's minds, knew each other's actions and feelings with only passing observation. 

They were five pieces of the same whole - one head, two arms, two legs. 

It was a strange paradox that he doubted anyone outside of the team would understand - how to be complete without someone while at the same time only being complete when they were with you. 

And it was why he hadn't let himself touch her while Steve was around, why he had tried to keep his attention on her rather than focusing on all of the Rangers at once. They were pieces of himself that Billy had been distant from for ages, their minds connected in their dreams but that wasn't the same as Kim's hand in his or him and Trini's shoulder brushing his as they walked together or Zack's knee pressed against his at a campfire night or Billy tapping his fingers against the outside of his hand when he needed the grounding his friends provided, and he didn't think he'd be able to snap into himself in enough time to get Max. 

He couldn't let himself fall into the feeling of rightness that came with being back with his Rangers only to rip himself from them before they had really soaked into each other's skin. 

Billy took the front seat of Trini's mom's SUV, which the team had drove to Hawkins in and directed them to a diner a little bit outside of town where they could talk. 

They squeezed into one booth the way they always did before - Kim, Billy, and Billy sitting on one side while Zack and Trini sat on the other and all of them touching and tangling and mashed together in a way that was only comfortable because it was them - and they fell into each other, into the press of their bodies against each other and the sound of their voices mixing as they spoke all at once. 

It turned out that the unexpected visit was the result of Angel Grove being on Spring Break. 

It provided the perfect opportunity for the Rangers to reunite, even if only for a little while. They'd been talking about it since before Billy had reached out for them at the Byers house, planning to track him down using Alpha and the technology on the ship, but then Billy had come back to them and it had been natural to use this time to see him since there was no way his father was going to let him go back to California. 

It was hard to think about the magnitude of this thing they had done just in the name of seeing him again. Because they were five pieces of the same whole, but Zack lived every day in fear that it would be the last day he spent with his mom and Billy knew how hard the decision to leave her for a week must have been for him. The thought must have showed on his face, because Zack smiled at him as it crossed his mind and shrugged as if choosing to come to see Billy had been a no-brainer even with the fear that lingered in his heart and the way he checked his phone every ten minutes for updates from Kim's mother - because all of their families were close, had been since before Billy's had slipped through his fingers, and Zack's mother accepted her offer of help so that her son wouldn't stop living his life because he was preoccupied with hers.

The trip also served another purpose - the return of Billy's red power coin. 

Kim handed it to him once they had finished talking about why the Rangers were in Hawkins, pressing it to his palm. He curled his fingers around it immediately, letting himself get lost in the feeling of it's warmth against his hand and watching the way it glowed through his fingers as if it was just as happy to be reunited as he was. Kim was saying something as he stared at it - something about how he was always a Ranger and it only made sense for the coin to be with him since they weren't going to replace him - but her words faded away as he clutched it. 

Having the power coin in his hand didn't matter that much when it came to his abilities - it's power had already worked on him and it can't take away the changes it had made to his physiology - but it represented something bigger than just his powers. They were all heroes, but the Red Ranger represented the Power Rangers more than anyone else. The team could survive without other members - you could live with a leg or an arm - but there was nothing without the head. The Red Ranger was supposed to be the one who stood tall no matter what, the one who could lead them without faltering.

And for Billy, who felt like he had been fallen closer to Rita than Zordon since his family had died, having the coin back in his hand meant something more than it ever had.

Sharing a meal together again had been nice. It was the sort of small thing that had slipped through the cracks when he thought about what he missed doing with the Rangers, but once they were doing it he realized how much he had longed to do something this simple with them. To spend time with them where they could kick each other under the table as they had loud rowdy conversations, to be able to slap at Zach as he tried to steal fries and trade Billy's tomatoes for his pickles, to argue with Kim about which of them could tie their cherry stem faster and swipe his fingers through the whip cream on Trini's milkshake until she threatened to bend his finger backwards. 

Once they were full, though, there was no doubt about what they were planning to do together. 

Because they were Power Rangers and the one thing that felt better to them than just being with each other - it was doing all of the things that had brought them together as Rangers. It was jumping around the cliffs of the gold mine or swimming through the cavern leading to the ship, it was running next to each other with the wind in their hair and wild laughter on their lips, it was sparring until they were bruised and sweaty but satisfied from fighting someone on their level. 

So with their stomachs filled with burgers and french fries and milkshakes, they took the SUV to the small hotel that the Rangers had gotten a room at for the weekend and then they took off. 

There were no cliffs in Hawkins, but there were miles and miles of forest that no one would venture in. They ran through it together, darting around the trees like there was something chasing them and shouting taunts at whoever fell to the back of the pack, and Billy reveled in the way the wind pushed through his hair as he pushed his legs to their limit. 

At some point Zack jumped into one of the trees and the others followed suit for the challenge of it, to try this thing that they rarely had the opportunity to do given how different the geography of Angel Grove was. Billy enjoyed the feeling of the bark under his trees, of grasping for his swing and then free falling as he pushed towards the next branch.

The forests of Hawkins were a challenge to the Rangers and it was one that they took relish in as they enjoyed the first workout they'd gotten to do as a team in more than a year. 

By the time they were ready to stop the afternoon sun had faded. 

They gathered at the edge of the quarry, Billy leading them there with Trini and Billy on his tail and Zack coming up behind Kimberly. They were laughing, all teasing Zack about his terrible stamina, as they stopped flopped down onto the dirt below them and started pulling things out of their backpacks - water bottles and snacks that they'd packed during their brief stop at the hotel.

It wasn't a bonfire night, but it was close enough.

Billy didn't know how long they had been there, sharing snacks and stories as they warmed themselves with laughter and cuddles (Billy had plopped himself down on Trini's lap as soon as the chill started setting in because the yellow Ranger always seemed to be as hot as the sun that shared her colors), when he started hearing the sounds in the woods. 

At first it was just rustling, easily written off as the wind, and cracks that he chalked up to branches being stepped on by animals.

But then, as Kimberly was gesturing her water bottle at Billy and Trini from across the circle where she was sitting next to Billy with Zack spread out on their laps, he started hearing the frantic whispers and the gasping of someone who wasn't used to running as long as they had been. 

He could tell the moment the others caught on as well - Trini going stiff under him as Zack shifted his body so he was lying on his side facing the sounds and the others focused their gaze in the same area. 

The noises crew louder

and louder

and louder

and louder.

A group of kids came stumbling out of the trees. 

It took Billy a moment to recognize them as they came stumbling out, but the second he caught sight of Max's red hair he realized he was looking at her dorky friends. 

He was about to drop his guard, to yell at them and ask what the hell they were doing all the way out here this late when it was past at least Max's curfew, when he noticed the terror and panic on each of their faces. 

"Max," he said, pushing himself off of Trini's lap. Something in his voice and mannerisms tipped the other Rangers off, because he could see each of them moving to get to their feet as well. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

Max had been looking behind her, as if expecting something to chase her out of the woods, but she turned at his words. Her face seemed to flood with relief at the sight of him.

She opened her mouth to say something, only to snap it closed when another twig snapped behind her. 

"Why are you all fucking standing here?" Steve said as he came bursting out of the woods, panting just as hard as the kids and with that fucking baseball bat that Max had threatened with him in his hands. He set his free hand on the nearest kid, pushing slightly. "Keep fucking running!" 

Billy wanted to question his appearance as well, but before he could get the words out something that looked like a horrible combination of a dog and flower burst out of the words behind Steve. 

With the kids and Steve screaming like they were, the creatures appearance kicking all of the halted bodies into movement as they scrambled away from the forest, Billy barely thought about it as he reached for his connection to the morph grid and pulled until he felt his armor covering him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The most difficult thing about any chapter with the Rangers, and this chapter specifically, is trying to write about both Billy's while still being clear on who is who.


	8. for you to be whole (trust those by your side)

There was a time when he was fourteen years old with a knee that ached when he stood too long and guilt settled in his chest like a heavy stone when he had no idea what he was doing when he was in a fight. When he barely knew how to make a proper fist, much less how to swing one or really make it count. 

But Jason Scott wasn't fourteen years old anymore.

Billy Hargrove was seventeen. 

Billy Hargrove was an expert in types of martial arts that had died hundreds of years ago and which originated on planets galaxies away. Billy Hargrove had a sword which wasn't just a decorative piece sitting on a mantle, but which he was skilled with in a way that few people still alive in the world were. Billy Hargrove had the dexterity and acrobatic skill of an Olympic gymnast and he knew how to use it when ducking and tucking and staying out of the way of an enemy. 

Billy Hargrove was the Red Power Ranger and he knew how to fight. 

And when he had his team at his back, when Kimberly was shooting arrows over his shoulder that he knew would never hit him and Zack was by his side with his axe in hand and Trini was ducking around with daggers in hand and Billy's was there with his trident stabbing through the air at his target, there was no doubt in Billy's mind that he would win any and every fight he got into. 

The flower dogs that came running out of the woods didn't stand a chance. 

Billy peered through the woods as Zack slammed his axe into the head of the last one of the dogs that had come out of the woods. All together there had been about ten of them, which wasn't really much of a challenge considering that they went down a hundred times easier than some of the things the Rangers had fought. 

When a moment passed without any more dogs bursting from the woods or any noises coming from the trees, Billy let his shoulders relax. 

He reached up, slipping his helmet off and tucking it under his shoulder. His curls fell down over his shoulders and he felt like he had a new appreciation for Trini always having her hair stuffed under her helmet. 

"Rangers," he called out. It was strange to hear his voice sounding the way it did, strong and commanding and confident. It had been ages since he used his Red Ranger voice. "Black, check?"

"I'm good!" Zack said. Billy looked at him, watching as he struggled to get his power axe out of the dog he had just killed. Given the journey they had gone through to retrieve the other Ranger's power weapons - a task undertaken about a year after they had first morphed - Billy was going to be really pissed off if it turned out that Zack had gotten it stuck. 

"Yellow?"

Trini had been behind him somewhere. She walked past him down, letting the gloved fingers on her left hand drag across his armored bicep as she said, "Fine."

"Blue?"

Billy was crouched down next to one of the downed dogs, blue helmet sitting on the grass next to him as he peered curiously down at the creature. His voice was quiet in the way that it always got when he'd found something intriguing, "Okay."

"Pink."

"I'm pretty disgusted and have no fucking idea what these things are," Kimberly said as she flipped her bow around in her hand, moving to settle it on her back. She had been staying in the middle of the area so she'd have distance from anything coming from the treeline, but now she moved closer to Billy. "But otherwise, a-okay."

Almost in unison, the four of them asked, "Red, check?"

Their system didn't always include the others checking on Billy, but after one too many hidden injuries they had started including him. 

"All good," Billy said, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair. He made as face as he realized how tangled and sweaty it had become over the course of the day. It felt like he would be spending all of tomorrow taking care of it. 

He always checked on the team first, because he needed to know that they were all okay incase the battle wasn't really over and they were unexpectedly down a Ranger, but now that he knew they were okay he turned his attention to the kids and Steve. He'd kept an eye on them during the fight, but things got hectic in the chaos of things and he couldn't be sure that he hadn't missed something. 

"Did any of you get hurt?" he asked, raking his eyes over them.

There were twigs in their hair, a few cuts in each of them that he attributed to branches they'd hit while running through the woods. The Byers kid's knee was scrapped open, but it looked like it had just been from a bad fall. Steve's baseball bat was dripping with the gooey black blood of the dog monsters and his clothes looked more mussed up than the others, like he'd gotten into a tussle with something, but Billy didn't see any human blood. 

There was a silent moment where they all just stared - and Billy was starting to wonder if maybe they were in shock and if he needed to get Zack or Kimberly who were both much better at dealing with people than he was. 

Then Henderson said, voice filled with awe, "That was so fucking cool."

It's late when all is said and done, but there's things to be said so Steve calls the boys' parents for permission to keep them out a little later and Billy calls his house to get permission for Max (and he's never been so relieved to hear Susan's voice as he is when she picks up the phone). And when everything is sorted, they all go out for ice cream. 

Billy feels a little bad about so many of them coming in so late and moving tables around. The waitress clearly wasn't happy about it, but she also looked a little relieved that it was just a bunch of kids rather than some drunks teenagers on their way back from a part. 

He's expecting to end up with all of the Power Rangers on the same side of the table, Kimberly and Billy on either side of him while Zack sits by Billy and Trini by Kimberly. Instead he ends up with Max on his right and Steve on his left which wouldn't have been bad if it wasn't for the way Steve's knee pressed against his table and the sly look on Kimberly's face as she settled down across from him. 

With two scoops of double fudge chocolate in front of him and too-bright florescent lights above him, Billy listens as the kids tell him all about the monsters in Hawkins and the thing they call the upside down. And there's probably a universe somewhere where Billy finds all of it too crazy to believe, but here he's a little strange himself with experience fighting monsters from other galaxies and absolutely no trouble believing that Earth has monsters of it's own. 

After, as the kids are frantically trying to eat half melted ice cream and arguing about who gets Steve's cherry since he doesn't like them, Billy tells them about the Power Rangers. He doesn't tell them his story, _their story._ But there was a night in Angel's Grove where the five of them sat in front of Zordon's wall with their legs crossed and listened as he told them the story of the Power Rangers before them - about a planet far away that needed heroes to help them against a force trying to take over the galaxy and the power coins being passed between worthy warriors who will stand-up against any evil. 

"You've got all of them?" Billy asked peering into Steve's car. It wasn't like Max had a lot of friends, but he couldn't imagine keeping track of the entire group the way Steve was. 

"Except for Max, yeah."

Max was in the SUV with the Power Rangers since they were going to drop her off before Billy went back to their hotel with them, something which had her shooting smug looks at her friends once the two groups had split. The kids thought the Rangers were the coolest people they had ever met and they had all been upset to hear that Max was the only one getting to spend more time with them tonight. 

"Alright then."

The two of them stood there for a moment, just sort of looking at each other. Billy found that for all that he loved the Rangers and wanted to spend time with them, he didn't really want to separate from Steve. Not having having spent the last hour with Steve's leg warm against his own and their fingers brushing as they reached for things on the table.

"Thanks for your help tonight," Steve said. 

Billy shrugged. "It's not really a big deal."

"Well it is to me, so if you need someone to drive Max around this week just give me a call, okay?" Steve looked over at the SUV before his gaze shifted back to Billy. There was something sad in his eyes that caught Billy off-guard. He didn't know what he'd done to put that look in Steve's eyes, but he wanted desperately to reach out and find a way to wipe it away. "I get the feeling it's been hard since you moved here - being away from your friends and everything? And I can't imagine the long distance relationship thing is very easy so. I'll drive Max around so you can spend more time with them."

Billy opened his mouth to thank Steve for the offer, because it sounded really to have someone else take Max around while he spent as much of his time as possible with the Rangers before they left, but Steve's words caught up with him before he got it out. 

"Wait," he said. "Long distance relationship?"

"Yeah with uh..." Steve stopped, then said, "Actually, I'm not sure which one of them your dating anymore? I thought it was Kimberly at the school earlier, but it could be Zack or Billy too now that I've seen you all together."

"Steve, I'm not dating any of them." When Steve just kind of stared at him, Billy took a small step closer. One of Steve's legs moved backwards, but he didn't actually step away. Billy reached out, slow enough that Steve could anticipate it and move away properly if he wanted, and set his fingers on Billy's arm. "They're important to me, they're part of who I am, but we aren't like that."

Steve looked at Billy for a moment, eyes catching on his. "Oh."

"Yeah." Billy hesitated for a moment, gaze flicking up to the scar along Steve's hairline that had been caused by him smashing plates against him. Then he looked back at Steve's eyes - and he thought about Steve leaning against the camaro's hood last weekend with one hand wrapped around a cold beer bottle from Billy's car and the fingers on his other hand resting on the metal so close to Billy's own that sliding would have slotted them together, and he thought about sitting in the back of a movie theater with Steve while the kids watched something and Steve leaned in close to whisper critiques while they shared a single pack of candy, and he thought about being in the parlor just a few minutes ago and how Steve's calf had been warm against him even with both of them wearing jeans. And he thought about standing here in front of Steve now and the way that Steve had looked when he thought Billy was dating one of the Rangers. He thought about all of this and then said, "I was kind of hoping to be going out with someone else soon."

For just a moment in looked like Steve might not have understood what he meant, then something seemed to dawn in his eyes. His voice was soft as he repeated, _"Oh."_

"Yeah," Billy said and his voice was far too soft, even to his own ears. And for a moment, he felt like he could hear his mom's fond laughter and see his dad's soft grin and Pearl leaning to whisper to him about whether or not he like-liked Steve. "Yeah."

Billy enjoys having the Power Rangers in Hawkins that week. He sleeps on the bed that Zack and Billy are sharing instead of going home, squeezing between them and laughing when he wakes up every morning with Zack wrapped around him like a koala. They eat too much greasy food, avoiding family restaurants in favor of fast food or diners so they can eat too many french fries and argue over who gets the last of Trini's chicken tenders when she inevitably doesn't eat them all. There isn't much to do in Hawkins, but they see every movie in the theater and Kimberly eats three-fourths of the popcorn every time. 

It's nice and fun. 

And Billy can never be Jason Scott again, but the week reminds him that the Power Rangers don't care if he's Jason Scott or Billy Hargrove or anyone. What they care about is him, because no matter what he calls himself they know him as well as they know the back of their own hands and they love the person that they know he is, even when he can't pinpoint who he is. 

When they leave at the end of the week, the separation aches but Billy's left feeling whole and warm and sure of himself in a way he hadn't been before seeing them. 

And this time when they leave, Billy knows that he can call to them in his dreams or on the phone and they will answer no matter what. 

Life in Hawkins moves on once the Rangers leave.

Billy goes on dates with the prettiest boy in the town - learns what Steve Harrington's fingers feel like wrapped in his own or scratching against Billy's scalp, learns what Steve Harrington's lips feel like against his or pressed against his shoulder when he's smiling, learns what Steve Harrington's hair looks like before he manages to put product in it and how he sounds when he's singing along to a radio in his kitchen. He learns that his mom has always had the right idea of it - that he's worthy of love and better than Neil Hargrove could ever imagine. 

Billy takes care of Max - takes her to the arcade when she asks and teaches her how to beat Dustin's Frogger score when her friends show up after her, sits at the table with her when she needs help with her homework and only calls her stupid when it's something they can laugh about together, makes her dinner when Neil and Susan are out for the night and sometimes even buys her pizza when she asks. He learns that grieving Pearl doesn't mean he can't let Max in - and that hating Neil and Susan doesn't keep her from being his sister. 

Billy does what he can to deal with the upside down -, teaches all of them some simple moves that they can use to defend themselves even though he's not sure how well they'll be able to use them given their size, follows the kids into the woods when they're dead-set on investigating something while Steve walks beside him with his torture, learns how to fight as Power Ranger with Steve and the kids by his side instead of his team. 

Life in Hawkins moves on. 

Billy Hargrove learns how to be happy and he stays that way. 

Billy Hargrove remembers how to be a hero and he doesn't forget again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the end of this fic! I hope everyone likes this ending even if it's a little open-ish? I think it wrapped everything up nicely, though, and I'm happy with where it ended. 
> 
> I never intended for this to be a fic about Billy and the Power Rangers fighting the upside down, but about Billy learning to be happy with himself and remembering that he always is and always will be a hero.


End file.
